22 years old and still in tears of how lonely I am.

Don’t know how to start this…bt I need help…psychiatric help…I know God is the Greatest Healer and Comforter but I have just had the worst life if I am allowed to say so….Never known real happiness in my life. While I was young around 6/7 and I was molested by my two uncles’. I was later diagnosed with ulcers at that tender age. I didn’t tell my parents till recently. The molesting almost made me molest another little boy at a small age at 12. I didn’t know. I never had a best friend neither a sister to talk to. My mom never gave me time to talk saying that I was jus quick tempered. She only favoured my brothers. I grew up all alone sent to high school. I didn’t have a close friend but in high school I had a boyfriend who lived far away from me. He was in university in an Asian country. I don’t know whether he loved me because I was the first to initiate the relationship but I loved him so much. I knew he was going to be my husband. He even broke my virginity when I joined campus. I was studying medicine so Ii needed full concentration but my bf was all I thought of. So when I was doing my final exam in my first year. I found out that he was cheating on me. So my whole world came crashing down. I lost weight first and wanted to commit suicide, took 10pills of piriton to make me sleep. I never ate, I only drank soda for the first month. I took antidepressant drugs to cool me off. Exam results were back and I had failed my medicine first year. We then talked things out. I was too blind to see that It was him who made me fail. Our relationship continued on and off till January 2012 when I called it off having met another dude through my friend in November 2011. The new dude really helped me out but he was even worse than my first dude. I never used to trust him. And true to my instincts he was never faithful to me . I didn’t know why I stuck to him but I was afraid of loneliness plus he was the one who gave me a sexual desire. So my relationship with the dude went on and off and last year December I became pregnant. He didn’t take responsibility so I was left with no choice but to abort. January back again I forgave him. I gave him a job where I worked which when we were on retreat the whole office he played me with a colleague. How sad I became but foolish me I gave him another chance. I finally couldn’t stand him, when I tried calling him, he didn’t want to pick up my calls and if he did he would cut off the call. From that day I deleted all his memory. Threw away all his things from my house. And haven’t talked to him since. What is with my life now am in my room all alone..no friends. .no boyfriend..bt with Jesus…I want help on how I can find Jesus because I know with Him I will find solace n happiness….am now 22 n still in tears of how lonely I am…I just wanted to share my story with u guys because I cry day in day out…