10 Ways To Argue Effectively Without A Fight

We all want to be heard. It’s gratifying, empowering, and makes us feel valued. And in a difference of opinion, we want our side to be represented. We want others to get who we are and to hear our valid arguments, even if they don’t agree with us–though, of course, we’d like that as well. If you want to stop arguing altogether, and never have another fight with your sweetie pie – here’s what you do:

1. Understand that your anger is a normal, natural reaction

It’s okay to feel angry about a wrongdoing. However, at a certain point, anger becomes a choice. It is at this time when you can make efforts to understand the other person’s position.

I catch myself getting angry at just about every inconvenience, but through some practice I am able to move past the feeling without becoming its victim.

2. Do not express your view until you feel calm and comfortable

Many times we have a tiny intuitive voice in our mind that tells us to be patient, but because it is tiny, we ignore it. When we do so, we may say something that will be counterproductive to our goal.

3. Set the goal of helping others

If you want to express your opinion about an important issue, but you do not have the benefit of others in mind, you may inadvertently come across as selfish or boorish.

4. Relate to the opinions of others

Consider the phrase, “I see where you’re coming from.” Pause on that phrase until you actually do understand their side.

Many people will say, “I see where you’re coming from—but…” This won’t show them that you really get it.  Think of a time you have been in their position either on a larger or smaller scale. Often, if you relay this story to them, it assures them you really do get it.

5. Don’t fight

The moment you are in an argument and you begin to raise your voice, get upset, flail your arms, speak ill of others, you become irrational. People are rarely going to hear you in this state of mind.

6. Try not to take things personally

“Right and wrong” are harsh words to describe concepts that either “work or may not work.” Consider this when you begin to take the argument personally.

7. Do not tell a person they are wrong

Perhaps you don’t agree with their position, but insulting them, cutting them off, will only cause them to get defensive, and perhaps do the same to you.

8. If you’re unable to communicate effectively, take responsibility for that

If you do not successfully get your point across, do not solely blame the other person. Conversation is never less than a two-way street.

Your mind will tell you the places where you made a mistake. Simply reflect on these and decide what will be better to do the next time.

9. Learn when to walk away

If you feel that you are at that messy point where you can’t get the other person to listen, just let it go.  You can revisit the issue later, but forcing it now will only make things worse.

It’s also true that space and time after a confusing conversation will help others to reflect on the important points that you discussed, which will help them to identify with your position.

What helps you speak your mind calmly and effectively?

10. Always keep an open mind during arguments

As mentioned earlier, you have to understand that different people will have different opinions.  You should make an effort in understanding these attitudes. Have the sincerity to understand the situation according to your adversary’s point of view. Be open minded, it may also benefit your cause.