Practical Tips For Getting Along With Others

Every major religion has some form of the Golden Rule. You know the one. It tells us that we should treat other people the way we would like to be treated. This rule is the secret to helping others feel comfortable. This rule is the secret to getting along with people at work, at school, at parties, and anyplace else you’re likely to interact. Each of the following twenty tips is based on the Golden Rule.

1. Listen

Active listening is the most important thing anyone can do to get along with others. This means paying attention to the person speaking, and giving proper responses. Pay attention to, and remember, names of the people you talk to and one or two details about the conversations you have. Don’t turn the conversation to yourself until you have talked about the other person’s interests.

2. Welcome Diversity

Every person has had unique experiences that have helped shape who they are. Every culture shares similarities and differences. When meeting someone who seems different from you, keep an open mind. You probably aren’t as different as you think. Accept the differences that you do discover. These are what keep life interesting and allow us to learn from one another.

3. Think First

Think before speaking or acting. Will you hurt someone if you continue? Are you reacting out of hurt, fear, or anger? What will saying or doing what you’re thinking accomplish? If nothing good will come of your words or actions, don’t express them.

4. Seek Out Others

Remember that other people are as shy, nervous, and insecure as you are. Some are more so. If you see someone who is standing apart from the crowd, someone who looks lost or out of place, approach them. Introduce yourself and ask his or her name. Ask a friendly, open-ended question to stimulate conversation.

5. Be Polite

Many people seem to feel that politeness and manners are archaic. They are not. Practicing good manners is just one way of letting people know that we care about them. That never goes out of style. Simple things like “Please” and “Thank you” go a long way.

6. Be Consistent

Being consistent encompasses a wide variety of things. The most important ones, however, are being someone others can count on and keeping promises.

To be someone others can count on, behave with integrity at all times.This means avoiding hypocrisy and conducting yourself in such a way that you always stay true to your sense of morality.

Keeping promises is very important if you want to get along with others. Reneging on your word – even just one time – will cause people to doubt what you say in the future.

7. Take Time For Yourself

Everyone needs to recharge sometimes. Learn to recognize when you need to get away from people, and make time to do so. Whether curling up with a book and some hot cocoa, or going on a solitary jog, make sure you have “alone time” as often as you need it.

8. Be Yourself

Recognize and accept your limitations. This is not a free pass to bad behavior. Crudeness, insults, and selfishness are not limitations – they are choices. If you choose them, be prepared that people will generally not like you.

9. Empathy

People have the gift of imagination. Seeing yourself in another person’s life is a great way to use it. Imagine how you would feel in a situation similar to one someone is describing. Of course, you can’t know precisely how another person feels, but empathy can get you close.

10. Agree to Disagree

Recognize that there will be times that you will not agree with another person’s views and opinions. Recognize, too, that disliking a person’s opinion is different from disliking that person. Accept that his or her view is not yours, and move on.

11. Figure Out Who Bothers You and Why

If someone bothers you, figure out what it is about that person that you don’t like. If it is something he or she can’t change (skin color, disability, gender, etc.), figure out a way to overcome your problem. If it is something that he or she can change, but chooses to not, decide whether or not you can overcome being bothered. If you decide you cannot, minimize your interactions with that person.

Interactions with people who feed your negative energy are harmful. These interactions, and your negative responses to them, make it more difficult to have positive energy in your next interaction with anyone.

12. Respect Yourself and Others

Without exception, give everyone respect. Treat each person as the human being they are. This includes yourself. If you have no respect for yourself, you have no respect to give. You have hero worship, but not respect. Respecting a person does not mean you have to respect that person’s choices or actions.

13. No One Is More Important Than Anyone Else

This seems to be a hard concept for many people. We’ve all known someone who thought they were the most important person in the room, and we’ve all known someone who thought someone else (often a celebrity) was more important than anyone else in the room. The truth is, no one is more important than anyone else. Each person is unique and has something to contribute. Don’t get carried away with your sense of importance or with the perceived importance of anyone else. This does not mean that some people are not more important in your life than others, only that, as people, no one is intrinsically more important than anyone else.

14. Take An Interest

Ask people questions. Find out how they are doing. Find out what they are doing. Find out where their interests lie. After asking questions, encourage people to expand on their answers. In future conversation, follow up on what you’ve learned from them, refer back to previous discussions.

15. Don’t Gossip

Don’t listen to gossip about others. Don’t gossip about others. Don’t worry about what is being said about you – let your actions speak for themselves.

16. Criticism Is Opportunity

Listen to and think about criticism that is given to you. Even in the rare circumstance when criticism is given with the intention of hurting, it is worth considering. Is there truth to what is said? Is it something you can change? Is it something you want to change? Look at criticism as an opportunity to grow and learn about yourself.

17. Don’t Take Things Personally

Often when someone has levied a hurtful comment or look at you, or has simply ignored you, it has nothing to do with you. The person may have other things on his or her mind and not be aware of how he or she is coming across to others. Give each person a second chance.

18. Be Supportive

Whenever possible, offer encouragement and support, kindness and praise. Praise people not only to their faces, but also to the people who are important to them. Give credit to others whenever it is due. If someone asks for your help, give it to him or her, steer him or her toward a more appropriate source, or explain why you cannot help. If someone seems to be struggling, ask if that person wants help. Accept that help may not be wanted. Even when you know that the person is making a mistake, if that person does not want help, don’t press it. Mistakes are inevitable in life.

19. Positive Focus

In thought and conversation, focus on positive things. Rather than focusing on the things that bring you down, focus on things that make you feel good and that shine in a positive light. Cheerful conversation is much less draining than negative conversation.

20. Smile

There’s an old saying that says if you keep a smile on your face till ten o’clock, you’ll smile all day. If you aren’t in a good mood, or aren’t ready to interact, simply wearing a smile can make it so you are. A smile is welcoming to others, and you become more approachable just by showing yours.