Building A Relationship With Your Parents

1.  Be respectful to your parents. Even if you do not agree with your parents’ parenting style, values or principals, try to show courtesy to them, if just for the fact that they are your parents.

2. Establish some rules that you and your parents need to abide by. If you want to maintain a positive relationship with parents, but find that you always end up disagreeing, consider setting up some ground rules.

Sit down with your parents and reveal that you want to have a good relationship with them, but that in order to do so, there need to be some rules. Ask that they make a list of the rules they would like implemented, and you do the same. Rules can include not bringing up certain topics, your parents not interfering with your parenting of their grandchildren or your parents no longer believing they can still dictate your life.

Discuss the different rules, and narrow them down to a list that you all agree on. Decide what the consequence will be if any rule is not followed. For example, if the rule is not to bring up a certain subject, the consequence can be to voice a warning that you will leave if the subject is not dropped, and then follow through accordingly.

3. Take your parents’ advice seriously. Listen to their stories and learn from their past experiences. Parents don’t want you to make the same mistakes they did and it hurts them to see their children go through any difficult times. Realize that your parents are not trying to control you. They only want what is best for you.
4. Avoid arguing with parents. If history has proven that arguing with your parents causes major and prolonged conflict, then stay away from it. This may mean that you have to bite your tongue when one of your parents says something controversial. Determine whether the need to respond is really necessary. If it is, make the point clearly and add that you don’t want to argue about it. Then change the subject.

5. Recognize that you cannot change your parents. If you want to maintain a positive relationship with them, then understand that you will need to deal with them as they are. This will likely require a lot of patience on your part.
6. Be mature when communicating with your parents. Be fair and logical about issues and demonstrate to them that you are mature. Oftentimes if parents see you acting mature, they will treat you accordingly. If not, stay disciplined in your efforts anyway.
7. Determine the reasons why you want to maintain a good relationship with your parents. If you are looking to create a strong bond between your parents and children, then focus on this whenever you feel like giving up on your improving parent relationship efforts.

8. Understand the difference between you and your parents. Love your parents for who they are, not for who you want them to be. Realize how much they have sacrificed in order to give you the best life possible. Recognize the difference in your respective ages. Priorities change as a person grows older and wiser. Respect the way they live and in return, they will respect the way you live.
9. Make an effort to communicate with you parents more often. Tell them about the parts of your life that you wish to share. Ask for advice when it’s needed. Listen and acknowledge their concerns. Use reassuring statements such as, “I will definitely consider what you just said,” or “I would love to hear more about this in person.” Communicating openly will make them have more confident in you.
10. Make realistic expectations in terms of getting together with them. Let them know if you are not able to make a planned visit and make sure to plan another visit as soon as possible. This is important because parents will make a lot of preparations in anticipation of your visit.