Problems That Come With Dating Outside Your Age
The heart does not choose who to love, it happens. Unfortunately this also means you may end up in love with a person twice your age. Then, there are other factors you may have to consider and also live by. These factors only occur when you have entered into the relationship. It’s then your choice to decide if it’s worth the trouble and love is enough or, you want to become normal and just stick to your age mates.
1. Aging Considerations
If your mate is near retirement and has already reared children, he may not be interested in starting a family. This is something that you should seriously consider if you want a family of your own. Should you have a long-term, committed relationship with your older partner, the reality is that you may outlive him if there’s a significant age difference. If your partner has any health concerns, you may also end up playing the role of caretaker, which will significantly impact your quality of life.
2. Disapproval from Others
A main disadvantage of dating an older man is the tension it may cause between you, and your family and friends. Parents might object to the relationship and they may question the motives of an older boyfriend. Your friends may have trouble understanding the relationship, and they may wonder why you don’t want to date someone in the same age group. Family members and friends could also have questions about your motives behind dating an older man. Dating an older man could be viewed as a cry for attention by the people closest to you.
3. Dealing with Stereotypes
The most well-known negative stereotype associated with significant age differences between young women and older men is the “sugar daddy” stereotype, which suggests that an older man is financially generous with a younger woman in exchange for her company. Public reception of you and your older mate may reflect this stereotype, which could generate stares and whispers from passersby. The opinion of others should have no bearing on who you choose to love your happiness should precede public opinion. But then again your happiness won’t stop them from staring.
4. Lifestyle Differences
A young woman in a relationship with someone older might may encounter problems that stem from differences in interests, hobbies and overall mind set between her and her boyfriend. Depending on the age difference, couples may be in different stages of their lives. A 22-year-old girlfriend might be interested in experiencing new things and engaging in different activities, while a 35-year-old boyfriend might be interested in a more quiet lifestyle. Couples with age differences may also have different goals. One person could be looking for a casual relationship, while the other might be interested in something more serious and long term.
5. Family Tension
It’s possible that your family will have difficulty adjusting to and accepting your partner if he’s close to your parents in age, or not far from it. Family members may question your partner’s motives and the overall sincerity of the relationship. This resistance may not be something they cannot get over or learn to live with, if your family is initially hesitant about your older mate, they could come around once they see that the union is genuine.
6. Circles of Friends
Attending social gatherings will never not be awkward for either one of you. When going to a braai together, you don’t want to constantly be at his side, but then again, would you be able to even sustain a conversation with his friend’s wife and her friends without being seen as the kid dating the older man with occasional side eyes being thrown at you. Couples who have age differences can have trouble befriending other couples with comparable age differences as well.
7. Difference in priorities
Finding something to wear to his closing function might be a priority to you while to him, you pitching at the event is what matters. You constantly want to go out to theme parks and do fun things that your age mates do while he is more about taking long walks, holding hands and watching sunsets. The point is, you are at different stages of your lives and therefore different things are important to you meaning your relationship is all about compromising.
8. Older men will eventually grow old and feeble
If you date and then marry an older man, you are going to have to deal with the fact that he will eventually grow old and feeble. This may mean that you eventually have to take care of him. It also means that he will very probably die long before you do. Are you prepared to care for your man when he can no longer look after himself? Are you willing to become a widow early in life? Thinking about death and infirmity may be disturbing, but these are questions you must ask yourself before getting involved with a man who is significantly older than you.
9. Communication Issues
Words change meanings over generations which can result in some humorous exchanges. For instance, to an older person, hooking up with friends to an older person would mean “getting together with someone for the purpose of sex. Half the time, you’re explaining what you’re saying instead of saying what you mean in your own simple terms.
10. Building a Career vs. Practicing for Retirement
The difference in your careers affects the relationship in so many ways. While he sits at the top of the corporate ladder, you’re still coming home to tell him about how your boss is not fair and office gossip. Your conversations are forced to be about general things because he is a boss and has annoying employees like you. He wants to take holidays randomly in Feb while you still trying to find your feet and settle into the year. You get where I’m going with this right?
Mbali Radebe
