“There Was A Time When I Looked In the Mirror and Did Not Recognise Myself,” Inno Matijane On His Gender Transition
“There Was A Time When I Looked In the Mirror and Did Not Recognise Myself,” Inno Matijane On His Gender Transition. Over the years, we have seen Inno Matijane come out as a gay man, starts cross dressing, and going back to dressing like a man again. Through all of this phases, Inno owned who he was and was never shy to express himself.
What many didn’t know though was that, deep down he was experiencing challenges. The reality show star, media personality, musician and entrepreneur went through gender dysphoria. This is a feeling of distress that can happen when a person’s gender identity differs from the sex assigned at birth
“There was a time when I looked in the mirror and did not recognise myself. Gender dysphoria is real. It is a pain that lives under your skin and makes every breath feel heavy. I thought changing everything would finally bring peace, but when the noise faded, I was left with the same sadness and emptiness,” Inno said.
Inno went on to clarify that experiences are different, hence he is not speaking for anyone but himself. He experienced depression as well as being judged. Inno also had fears for his health and life in general. He wanted to give up, but luckily Inno has found healing and is at peace. He hopes his story might come as help for someone out there experiencing the same thing.
“I do not speak for anyone else. Some people find happiness in transition and I respect them completely. But my truth is different. The peace I hoped for never came. The depression stayed. The nights were still dark. People said I did it for attention without ever asking what it felt like to live inside my mind. They did not see the nights I prayed to wake up without pain.
I faced fears about my body, my health and the life I might never bring into the world. Those thoughts broke me but they also taught me how sacred and fragile life is.
There were moments when the pain felt unbearable. Moments when I wanted to give up. I say this because someone might feel the same way right now. If you do, please reach out for help. There is no shame in wanting to stay alive.
Healing did not happen overnight. I stopped running and spoke to God again. I told Him everything. Slowly He showed me who I was beneath all the labels and the noise. Slowly I started to feel peace again.
The dysphoria still whispers but I no longer let it control me. Peace is not perfection. Peace is survival.
To my trans brothers and sisters and to anyone who is questioning or hurting, please know I am not against you. This is not judgment. This is my truth. Everyone deserves compassion.
To those who call us attention seekers, please stop. You do not know the nights we survive or the weight of trying to live in a body that feels like a war zone. You do not get to define our pain.
If you feel lost, hold on. You are not broken. You are not alone. There is light after darkness. Faith saved me. God never left me. I am still healing and still human. I am not ashamed of my story. It is mine. It is real. And it might help someone else stay alive,” he said.
