Approaching The “Sexual History” Topic With Your Partner

The best relationships are based on open communication. The most important issue you should discuss with your partner is each other’s sexual history. We’ve all seen Intersexions and what happens when and if you don’t. Although this topic might seem uncomfortable and a bit awkward, it’s very necessary. Obviously this is to be done before you and your partner get sexually active.

The sooner you do it the better – so just get it out of the way. The trust you build from there will benefit the relationship greatly and will set the standard for other serious discussions to be had in future. Also, if you have long term plans together, this conversation could influence the type of action you take such as whether or not to use condoms or contraceptives. Knowing the sexual history of your partner prepares you for the relationship because it gives you a basic idea of the type of person you’re with. Now that you have enough reasons to actually do it, the list below should help in how to actually approach the sensitive topic.

Set ground rules for sharing

This way you both won’t over share and tell the person things they rather would not know about you. You will both share equal information and no one will feel over exposed.

Start small

Heading into the topic head first could startle your partner. Start by just talking about sex and build it up from there. Although it is a serious topic, it doesn’t have to be awkward. Never start the topic with “We need to talk.” Those words kill any conversation before it even happens.

Be sensitive

This applies both to what you say and how you respond to what your partner says. When a person opens up to you your reaction to what they say gives the person an impression of your thoughts on them. Try and stay composed and NEVER act self righteous id yours is better than theirs. This is a person you love, so act like it. Think before you talk.

Numbers

Again you need to decide if you want to reveal how many people you’ve been with. However doing this could create a perception about you and your behaviours and this could ultimately scare the poor guy off. Society has its own expectations and standards of how many is too many for a girl so if you do reveal this, just know it could make or break you.

Be honest

Honesty doesn’t mean revealing numbers but be open about your habits and what you’ve done such as the last time you got tested, if you’ve ever had a one-night stand and so on.

Talk about what you’ve learned

One of the main reasons to have this conversation is to communicate your likes and dislikes with your partner without having to spell them out. In a way you’ll be teaching each other about what you like without being obvious about it.

Listen

Make sure you provide plenty of opportunities for your partner to share not only his or her sexual past, but also to express feelings about what you’re saying. Don’t attack your partner or defend yourself; just listen. You can show your partner that you’re listening by making eye contact, leaning forward, nodding and asking an occasional question.