Top 10 Foods Not To Eat On A First Date

You always go out with girls right? So what you eat on the first date shouldn’t be a big problem, right? Wrong! First impressions count, first food, first kiss, first that it all matters to the girl. Trust me. Make all the right moves that she will brag about to all her friends later on, be the man all her friends want to be with just from eating the right food on your first date. I’m not saying don’t be yourself, just avoid food that will make the date awkward.

10. Big Sloppy Burger
Random Burger place? You are on a first date at a random burger hut, really? This isn’t a serious date, is it? You’re either married or are already in a relationship with someone else and this is just a place where no one would ever think to find you. If this is a first date, don’t expect a second. In fact, don’t expect her to be at the table when you return from taking a dunk in the ball pit.

What she will think of you: She’ll think what the rest of us do: You’re a jackass; a cheap ass. Now finish your fries and go home to your main girl.

9. Milk
We don’t really have to put it out there, but let me humour you just this once: Never, ever order anything from the kiddies menu. There is no reason to order milk, be it chocolate milk or whatever you want to call it to disguise that you’re having milk on your date, even if you are having a slice of chocolate cake the size of a hybrid for dessert. Order an after-dinner drink or just a cup of coffee. Grown men don’t drink milk, in public.

What she will think of you: She is getting involved with a man-child. A guy who drinks milk with a meal needs a nightlight to sleep and calls mom when he needs his shirt ironed, or his soup cooled down a bit.

8. Vanilla Ice Cream
It’s time for dessert. The waiter brings over a tray of treats that would make anyone forget about where they are and why they are there. Your date orders a slice of decadence and you say to the waiter: “I’ll just have a scoop of vanilla ice cream.” Good shot. You’ve got a FIFA tournament with the boys all day tomorrow so you don’t want to be up all night with a sugar rush. You then continue your story about not being able to find a good pair of socks. Wake your date up, she would really love to hear this story.

What she will think of you: You. Are. Boring. You don’t take risks and you don’t enjoy the finer things in life. She sees a relationship and possibly sex life that will be just as boring as the scoop of vanilla melting in the little cup.

7. Fish Sticks
If you are going to enjoy fish, you should always ask the waiter for the fresh catch of the day or order the fish special. There is nothing special about fish sticks. They are also not technically a catch; they are the combination of many catches, fish and a couple of additives that keep them edible for a few centuries. Oh, that’s so adorable the way you cut them up and dunk them into the tartar sauce. Is that what the other kids in day care do or did you make that up?

What she will think of you: You don’t like to try new foods. Fish sticks are the weapon of a mother with a finicky child. You are a pain in the ass when it comes to eating or doing anything in life that strays from the normal routine. She will assume that life with you will be like Groundhog Day: living the same day over and over again with no escape on the horizon.

6. Lobster
We understand your thought process in ordering: ”If I order the lobster, it will look like money is not a problem. I’ll come off looking like a complete baller.” Good shot. Bibs are essential to the baller wardrobe. Lobster is a bad idea: You run the risk of looking like a pansy, and can’t crack that sucker open. It’s also one of the messiest foods on the menu and leaves you reeking of fish meat and hot butter.

What she will think of you: How could you be a good provider if you can’t bust open a lobster shell? Also, if you can’t always afford the lobster, don’t bother getting it just this once. If she thinks money is not a problem for you, then she won’t understand why you flipped out just because she ordered another glass of wine, a new kitchen or a house on the opposite coast. It’s your own fault, Uncle Moneybags.

5. Tacos
Don’t get us wrong, tacos are a fantastic food. Tacos just might be the greatest invention since crotchless undies, but tacos make multitasking during a meal impossible. Your focus will be on keeping the taco together and not on charming her or keeping the discussion going. You’d love to hear more about her job but you need total focus on filling this next shell. You figure an extra scoop of guacamole might set this meal over the edge.

What she will think of you: You won’t pay any attention to her when something else is in front of you. It won’t just be something as simple and delicious as a taco: When the game is on TV or you are one level away from beating a video game (no cheat codes!) she knows she will be as invisible as that warmed up twice plate of food on the table.

4. Corn
Corn is nature’s most annoying food. It’s impossible to digest and finds a way to get lodged in every possible crevice imaginable: in your teeth, in the back of your throat and sometimes up your nose if you try to talk and eat at the same time. That one kernel will be stuck in your tooth the entire meal and you won’t rest until it’s dislodged with your finger, a match box or the end of a butter knife if it fits in between your teeth perfectly. Also, avoid popcorn should this date include a movie. No one wants to hear you cough up lodged kernels all through an important chick flick. Shh! This is where they first figure out they are in love.

What she will think of you: You are probably disgusting behind closed doors. You have a ton of nasty habits just waiting to come out once the relationship progresses: picking your teeth, cleaning your nostrils and clipping your toenails all while watching television. No one wants to date a slob!

3. Buffalo Wings
Buffalo wings are a party and tailgating food that somehow appear on every restaurant menu disguised as an appetiser. They are impossible to eat without getting sauce all over your face, and the only way to keep the mess under control is to lick your fingers, lick around your mouth even your nose in some instances. The only licking of fingers on the first date should be done at your apartment. They also come in levels of spice that shouldn’t be experimented with on a first date. The last thing you need is to break into a sweat just from a few atomic wings.

What she will think of you: She will think you don’t know the difference between party food and real dinner food. She will see a lifetime of subs, pizza and hotwings on all your special occasions. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than imagining her 10-year wedding anniversary with pictures of her husband pounding beers because he tried the double atomic wings.

2. Salad
Salad as a first or second course is acceptable, but salad as the main course says more about you as a man than the fact that your belt doesn’t match your shoes. It says you’re either worried about your weight, the last thing she needs is another girlfriend in her boyfriend with weight issues or it could mean that you really are a complete hog but you’re trying to look civilised about it. Salad prevents you from pigging out on a large dinner, chomping on a T-bone or licking a plate during the main course. It’s also ridiculously boring. Part of the fun of eating out is sampling each other’s meal. You can’t really say: “Wow, try this lettuce. It’s amazing.”

What she will think of you: A man getting a salad means he is either incredibly vain, incredibly cheap or dirt poor. None of those are attractive qualities in a partner. She wants a man who eats more than her or at least more than the animals in her backyard.

1. Soup
First rule of note: You never want to eat more or fewer courses than your date. For example, if she gets an appetiser, then you should also get an appetiser (sharing is always acceptable and “cute”). Same goes for soup or salad. There is nothing more uncomfortable than watching someone eat while trying to have a conversation. If you are ordering a first course, avoid every single type of soup. Soup is never a good idea on a first date. It’s messy, it’s hot and it’s incredibly hard to eat while maintaining any semblance of coolness. Ever tried to look smooth while shoving ice cubes in your mouth because the top of your mouth is singed? The combo of slumping over and slurping is not a good look. Don’t you dare pick up and sip from that bowl!

What she will think of you: She will think you don’t care about how you look in front of others. If you are willing to sip, slurp, singe, and spill on a first date, imagine how you’ll act the first time you meet her friends or parents.

You want to have a clean an memorable first date. Eat the right food! Thank me later in English; (Send me an invite to the wedding.)

Mbali Ntuli