Advice Corner

Married and Confused…

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years married for 6 years. We have developed what I thought was able to talk about everything and anything relationship as both our previous relationships failed and ours works because we talk about feelings, support etc.

He became close to a female work colleague since she started working with him and they get on really well. She is nice enough and just normal looking. She works well with him and they really get on after he was let down by previous staff. They have worked together for over a year. I was fine with that as he did get on well with previous female colleagues but they were married and certainly not his type. I was not concerned.

That was until we all met on the way home and he gave her a peck on the cheek goodbye. I have never seen someone do this with an opposite sex work colleague. He did not do it with his previous female friend work colleagues. Obviously I got very upset after she had gone. He brushed it off. I explained it was not acceptable, explained why and it gave the wrong signal to her – he agreed and understood. He said he was definitely not interested. We discussed it and that was that.

He left the job and moved to another job. They keep in touch by e-mail once or twice a month. The e-mails are general and talk about colleagues. I have access to one of his e-mail addresses which he knows I do as we use it for financial matters. The latest one discusses meeting up. A few months ago he said a few things about how she was getting on and I asked how her house move was going etc because she is like any other friend of ours (I thought). He has regular contact with her but does not talk to me yet his best male friend of twenty years he says called him for a drink. She has recently phoned his mobile but he did not answer in front of me and did not mentioned “oh, I wonder what she wants”.

Obviously he uses work e-mail/work mobile to contact her so I don’t know what’s going on there.

I am really not sure what to think. I feel very upset that for years we have talked about all our friends etc and everyone yet this person he does not. It is really weird. He seems to hide it and not be open. What do you think is going on?

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