I love him dearly and for that love I took a lot of crap!

I found out my boyfriend was cheating and so I broke it off. We had been together for 4 years and I feel like they were some of the best years of my life. I love him dearly and for that love I took a lot of crap. He had cheated on me before almost at the beginning and that’s why when he did it again this time, for me it was over. I know I could never truly forgive and forget. I know that this is what’s best for me, but how do I forget 4 great years? How do I forget everything we’ve been through? How do I get rid of all this love I feel? I try to think of how he lied and cheated on me, but truth is I can never get myself to hate him. I truly care for him and I want him to be happy, even if that happiness is not with me. I don’t know if he loves me or if he ever did. But he was always a gentleman, always got the door for me, held my hand while driving, I felt safe when I was with him. He was an awesome father to his kids, and he was so cool with my son. I never expected this from him, and maybe that’s why it hurts so much. It gets harder and harder everyday because I miss him so much. I think about him all the time. I wonder if he’s okay. Since he found out I changed my number, so he keeps emailing me, and it’s so hard to read his emails and not reply. But then I think to myself, he knows where I live and he knows where I work, if he truly cared he’d look for me, right? But then again, I start feeling sorry for him, he recently lost his job…I hate feeling this way! I don’t know what to do! It’s like I feel love and hate at the same time. I need advice on how to move forward…how do I forget?